Tuesday Weigh In

I weigh in every day, but today's the big, official, "side of the blog" Tuesday weigh in day. The results? Not too shabby.

Weight: 253.7
BMI: 43.54

Now, when you look at the fact that I was at 253.9 two days ago, it's not that impressive. However, if you take into account that last week's official weigh in was 258.2, well, this is totally a happy dance number. 4.5 pounds is really quite ridiculously awesome.

I did pick up a new scale yesterday. It's white, it's by Thinner, and I can't find it on amazon or I'd link it to you. I primarily picked it up because it was the only non Weight Watchers scale that went to .1 pounds (just like my old scale does/did) and it didn't have crazy body fat/body water/bone density/things I don't need. It does vary depending on my exact position when I hop on, but it's still reasonably consistent. I greatly prefer the different readings to the faked same readings of the WW scale. Researching scales on Amazon, I found that there are a few other people who agree with my "programmed to give you the same reading" conspiracy theory. This way, when I get different readings, I can be smart about which one shows up the most.

It's weird though. As much as I'm in to nit picking the number, I also get that it doesn't really matter all that much. Unless I go ahead and get one of the big health o meter doctor scales, I'm not going to get a truly accurate reading. And even though this battle day to day and week to week is fought in pounds and fractions thereof, in the big picture that's not what it's about. I'm in the lower half of the 250s right now: where, exactly, I am doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm not in the upper part of the 270s anymore. The big numbers I'm looking at: where I started and where I'm going, they're so different that a few pounds of scale error isn't really a big deal. Even if day to day scale errors matter, I have to remember that in the long run they don't, and that I just need to keep the trend moving down.

Speaking of trends, it's about time to show you my totally badass moving average progress. Take a look:


And remember when I lost 4.5 pounds this week? JOY.

And before I close out the post, thank you to Monica, Kat and Orange and Black Kittehs for hooking me up with even more lovely blog awards. I think you guys are lovely too!

Some Very Lovely Blogs (now with bonus squirrel)

So as I mentioned yesterday, Jo from 282.5 gave me the following:

The rules of the award are that you're supposed to acknowledge the giver and give it to 15 other blogs. Now, I'm not so big on "rules" per se, so to each recipient I give two options. You may take the above award, with it's rules and limitations, or you may take this:


The "One Lovely Blog Award Plus Squirrel." This version of the award need not be acknowledged, need not be passed on, but does acknowledge just how totally awesome you are. You may pass it on, but if you do so, you must pass it on to some number of blogs other than 15. You can do 12, 17, 2, or whatever you damn well please.

As a recipient of the original flavor of One Lovely Blog Award, here's my list. It's in no particular order, but includes a bit of commentary about why I like each of these blogs so very much. Maybe you'll even find a few to add to your list.

1. Monica at Confessions of a + Sized Girl: Part of what makes this blog so great is that Monica just seems so incredibly nice. She's such a sweetheart both in the comments she writes here and on other blogs. Monica has this very conversational style of writing which just draws me in: it feels like you're going through everything with her. Sometimes the posts are happy, sometimes they're funny, sometimes they're sad, and sometimes they make you think: I like that when I go over to Confessions I almost never know what's in store, but I'm always glad I read it.

2. Jo at 282.5: What, am I not supposed to give this back to the person who gave it to me? Seriously though, Jo is amazing. She's been through so much, and she's such an inspiration. Her posts tend to the long, thoughtful, and intensely interesting. Jo's blog is the first weight loss blog that I really, really, really, really liked and was one of my inspirations for starting up. I wish I could write half as well as her. She's so smart, so strong, and her blog is just one of the best ones out there.

3. Learning to be Less: When I want to think, I go to 282.5, and when I want to smile I go to Learning to be Less. Learning's over a year into her weight loss journey, and she's kicked ridiculous amounts of ass thus far. She has great happy smiley posts and just an incredible attitude. Right now she's pretty busy with work so there haven't been daily posts, so here are few omg I need to smile posts from the archives.

4. Diane from Fit to the Finish: Diane lost 150 pounds and has kept it off for 12 years. TWELVE. Just the facts are insane and inspiring. But the best part of Diane's blog isn't the overarching story, it's the posts. She writes these wonderful, always relateable, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes touching posts. I'd link you examples, but I don't need to. Just go: I bet whatever is up now you can relate to. Now check the next post. You can relate to that one too, can't you? See? My point exactly.

5. Mae Flowers at A Journey to Thin: I adore Mae's blog. She chronicles small victories and small defeats, and there's something about the way she writes it where it feels like you're right there with her. When her road's bumpy, I feel like I've been there too, when things are going well, her posts make me smile and inspire me to keep going. Added bonus: sometimes there are pretty pictures.

6. HD at Losing Weight to Gain a Healthy Heart: HD has always struck me as among the smartest bloggers out there, and she writes a wonderful blog primarily focused on the day to day. She inspires me with her super early work outs and her ability to manage what seems like an incredibly hectic life. (Shhhh, don't tell, but one of my favorite parts is cribbing meal ideas from her daily listing. I've stolen like four of her salads and each has been delicious.)

7. Katie J at Katie J Is on Her Way: One of the things I love most about Katie J's blog is how accountable she is with her bodybugg screenies. I try to come close with daily weigh ins, but it's not as good. She inspires me by battling clutter, losing weight ( she recently hit the 50 pound mark!), and taking wonderful care of her mother. (Seriously, I've started calling my mom more since I've been regularly reading Katie J's blog.) She has wonderful, frequently changing, backgrounds. For some bonus inspiration, scroll down to the very bottom of the blog: she's got a great list of reasons for why this battle is worth fighting.

8. Jenn at Watch My Butt Shrink: Jenn's blog is just a wonderful eclectic mix. She'll talk about her kids, she'll talk about cooking, she'll weigh in on news, and so on. I like that when I go I don't know quite what I'm going to get, but it always ends up being interesting. She's smart as a whip (she's going to be on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire) and makes great use of photos. If Jenn's not on your blog roll, she should be. Bonus: SUPER adorable kids.

9. Ebony Renee at Project Hot Mommy: I love Ebony's blog because of how well she discusses the trade offs of the weight loss journey, and for how realistic she is about what she is and isn't willing to give up. A lot of her blog posts touch deeply on what I debate internally along the way. She also has a too cute for words son. Seriously, if Ebony's son and Jenn's kids ever had a playdate, the combined cuteness would be blinding.

10. Lyricgirl at Fat Girl vs. Skinny Girl: Lyricgirl just started out not too long ago, but she's already got a great blog. She's one of my exercise inspirations. She does all these classes and is just incredibly brave and so very strong. If you're ever wondering "should I go for that workout or just stay home?" just stop by her site and be inspired.

11. Kimberly at The Woman Inside Me: Kimberly has lost over 130 pounds already. She's losing at an astounding and inspiring rate. Want inspiration? Check out her photos. It gets me every time. Her blog is a nice mix of statistics posts and thoughtful posts. She doesn't update every day, but when she does it's always worth stopping by.

12. Jack at Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit: Jack is on almost everyone's list. There's a good reason for that: his blog is amazing. Most days of the week, he'll crack you up. The other few, he'll make you think. (Occasionally, he'll even make you laugh while you're thinking.) Jack's blog is a great mixture of depth and hilarity. If for some reason you haven't found your way there yet, go now!

13. F. McButter Pants at To the Best of My Ability: I love this blog. Dana (am I allowed to call you Dana? Your posts are signed F. McButter but your blog url has Dana in it) has been through a lot. Seriously, her posts are practically dripping with wisdom. She struggles, but inspires as she does so. Her style is long thoughtful posts, and I recommend adding her to your reading list if she's not already on it.

14. Fat[Free]Me at Fat[Free]Me : She already got six of these, but I'm going to have to give her another. She runs! She bikes! She belly dances! She's lost 54 pounds since March. She's seriously such an inspiration. If you haven't seen her blog already, go check it out.

15. And in the spot of favorite blogger who I'm pretty certain has never read my blog, Fat Daddy at Fat Daddy Rants: In some ways, Fat Daddy is sort of the inverse of Jack Sh*t. Most days, he'll make you think, some days he'll crack you up. And on the days he makes you laugh, chances are pretty good he made you think too. Check out his Not So Private Hell series, if you haven't already.

There are other blogs I could think of that belong on here as well, but I wanted to stick with the limit of 15.

Oh, and if anyone's curious about today's weigh in, it was a disappointing 257.6. Between the daily ups and downs over the past week, my moving average has been ridiculously plateaued. Just take a look at the badness:


Not pretty. It could be worse, but mostly it's bad.

At least I'm still within striking distance of a new low tomorrow.

Edited to add: Wow this post ended up being long. Next time you inspire me, I'll try to be more succinct in my praise.

Should I push up my deadline?

Weight: 256.7
BMI: 44.06

As I've talked about a few times in the past, my first mini-goal is to get to 250lbs by September 15th. The weight is meaningful (it'll mean I've lost 10% of my bodyweight, plus it's a big round number), but the date is not. I picked it, essentially, by playing around in calculators. September 1st seemed too tough and October 1st would be too easy: so the 15th it was. When I started, the goal required a sustained loss of 2.8 pounds a week: ambitious, but not impossible. As of now, it would require a sustained loss of 1.46 pounds a week: cake, at the rate I've been going.

So, I've been playing with the idea of moving the date up a bit to September first. Including today and the 1st, that would give me 19 days to hit goal, meaning I'd need to lose 2.5 pounds a week to hit it. I think that's a high enough number that it'll be challenging, but low enough that I should be able to make it if I work hard enough.

Do you guys think moving up a goal date is a good idea (to keep things challenging) or a bad idea ( since I think you lose something if you're trying to hit a moving target)? What would you do?

Just to give a visual, the below chart represents the weekly weight loss I'd need to sustain* on any given day to hit my current mini goal (250 by 9/15), my long term goal (175 by 8/14/2010 aka my brother's wedding) and my stretch goal (145 by the wedding). My short term goal has gone from being more challenging than my stretch goal to easier than my regular long term goal.

Personally, I'm leaning for it being time for an update.


*I appreciate that the chart might be a little weird to people who don't like mathy things. Essentially, it's a judge of pace: how much do I need to be losing each week to hit my goals. Consistently beating pace means I can go slower later and still make it. Going behind pace means I'll need to lose more quickly later. A fuller explanation of the philosophy behind the graph (and why I like it so very much) is available here.

Tuesday Weigh In

Weight: 259.3
BMI: 44.50

Well, today's the big official weigh in day, and the results are, well, mixed. The good news is that I'm down 3.3 pounds from last week, which is a great number. The bad news is that I'm up .4 pounds day to day, but that's all right.

Last night I didn't sleep one wink. I was up all night working. I finished things just in the nick of time, and that was good, but I'm exhausted. I'm glad I didn't gain a lot more: generally my weight goes up throughout the day, and I lose a lot over night. I generally have quite a bit of trouble losing weight if I don't get a good night's sleep. Considering that (and the fact that I didn't work out yesterday), I wasn't expecting to lose day to day, and I'm glad I only gained .4

Last night I did relatively well in terms of food, all things considered. After work I went to a Subway and grabbed a five dollar foot long: it's not something I generally eat, so it was sort of the "special" that I generally use to get myself through crunch periods. I got ham with lettuce and tomato on wheat, and put on Miracle Whip at home. I ate half immediately after I got it, then waited about 20 minutes and ate the rest. I thought it was a bit of foreshadowing that I'd be in for a binge, but the sandwich was in fact all I ended up eating last night. Not bad.

So, I'm proud of myself for showing that I can get through hard periods of work without using food as a crutch. I'm proud I lost 3.3 pounds this week. And I'm proud I got all my work done in time (and did a damn good job with it, in my opinion).

I should work out tonight since I took yesterday off, but, well, I'll be coming up on 34 hours without sleep by the time I get home. I may just want to pass out.

And since it's been a while since I've shared one, below's a graph of my weight loss progress so far. Each mark represents a daily weigh in. The red line represents the 5-day moving average of my weight, the blue line the actual day to day weight. (Note that in San Diego, when I was unable to weigh myself, I just held my weight constant at my starting weight for the trip.)


Maybe this is just the exhaustion speaking, but I feel like I really am making progress.

265.5!

Weight: 265.5
BMI: 45.47

Yay!

After a ridiculous--and unwarranted--gain (I got up to 270.7 ), I've managed to work my way back down. I could explain the ups and downs, but a graph is just so much easier:



Today, I fly out to San Diego. I'll be out of my element and away from calories I can count, but I think I'll still be okay. I'm bothered by the upcoming lack of scale, but I'll find some way to muddle through.

For now, I actually need to run and finish packing.

But before I go, 265.5! That's -12.5 pounds. It means I've lost 4.5% of my body weight and 2.15 points of BMI. If that's not something to smile about, I don't know what is.

Fun with Graphs

As I've brought up a few times, I keep an Excel chart of my weight loss. I do this for several reasons:

1. I'm a nerd.
2. Recording day-to-day makes me more accountable
3. It's good to look at when I'm losing motivation
4. I have a lot of fun doing so

Today, I'm going to share some of the fun graphs I have, why I have them, what they mean, and how they help.

The most basic graph I keep is just one of my overall weight loss progress. As of today it looks like:


I've been lucky thus far in mostly having consistent losses, but that's not always the case. While the scale is a good overall judge of progress, it's a very noisy instrument. A lot of the time it'll pick up that your dinner last night was salty, or that you're bloated, or that you're dehydrated or that it's that time of the month, or a variety of other things rather than the actual truth of what's going on. This is the reason many people will just weigh themselves once a week: they just want to get an overview of the numbers, they don't want to deal with the day to day noise.

While I see the appeal of that, getting a reading once a week doesn't make your readings more accurate: it just gives you one data point to go on, and you don't know if it's actually your real weight showing up. There is, however, a solution for that: the moving average. So, I have a chart that shows my real weight, and the five day moving average. (For the first 1-4 days, I did an average of how many days I had data for.) As long as you're losing weight, even if you have days you go up and days you go down, the moving average should head consistently downward. Take a look:

Notice how on July 10th, even though I gained .8 pounds and saw a sharp spike in my day to day weight, the moving average of my weight was still falling. The moving average tends to be more valuable if you are having more up and down fluctuations than I am at the moment, but I still like having it for when I do get those--and if my previous attempts at weight loss are any indication, I eventually will.

Now, neither of those are the coolest chart I have.

One of the big things they advocate at Spark People is attaching deadlines to your weight loss goals. Some sort of "A wish + a deadline = goal!" cheese. To a certain extent, I think this isn't optimal: set your goal too low and you end up not really challenging yourself; aim too high and you're in for a sea of disappointment. If you use Spark to track your weight (or Fitday, and perhaps other weight loss software I'm not familiar with), they'll have one static line for your goal. If you're not closely racing the line, it's really not all that helpful: if you're well under or well over it, it's really not showing much about how your most recent progress is comparing to what you need to get to. (Spark will also only track one weight goal at a time, which I find relatively annoying.)

As of now, I have three goals: one short term, one long term, and one long term stretch.

My short term goal is to get to 250lbs by September 15th. The date is arbitrary, but the poundage is meaningful. 250 will mean I've lost 28 pounds, or 10% of my starting body weight. (Technically, the 10% mark will be met at 250.2, I rounded.) 250 is also just a big milestone number, and it seems to work in many ways. The 9/15 date was picked just by playing in calculators: 10/1 seemed too easy, 9/1 too harsh.

My long term goal is to no longer be obese at my brother's wedding, which will mean getting to 175 by August 14th, 2010. My long term stretch goal is to not be overweight by my brother's wedding, which would mean hitting 145 or below by the same 8/14/2010 goal. To be 100% honest, I would be overjoyed and incredibly proud of myself with either. For now, they're just giving me benchmarks.

My favorite chart makes use of all three goals. It's aim is to answer the question of "how much sustained weight would I need to lose per week to hit my goals of 250, 175, and 145?" It looks like this:

I'm also going to show you guys this as a table, since I think it's helpful to look at both:

There's a column for date, weight, days till 9/15, the average amount of weight I'd need to lose each week to get to 250 as of that day, the days till my brothers wedding, the average amount of weight I need to lose each week to get to be not obese, and the same for not overweight.

What I like so much about this chart is that I can see how well I'm doing relative to how well I need to do to hit my goal. Every day I lose .4 pounds or more (the equivalent of 2.8lbs/week), all my goals become easier. When I lose .3 pounds a day (2.1/week), my short term goal and the "not obese" goal are both easier, but the road to my stretch goal becomes slightly harder. .2 pounds day (1.4/week) and everything becomes harder.

But the best part is, those rules aren't constant. Not too long ago, a .3 pound day was bad for my short term and stretch goals. When I started my short term goal, it meant losing 2.8 pounds a week. Because I've been above pace so much, I now only need to lose a smidge more than 2 pounds a week. Progress!

There are a few reasons I like this standard so much. One of them is that it's forward-looking: all the other stats just judge progress thus far. This one is more about how each day will impact the rest of my journey. Essentially, every day I do an awesome job makes the days ahead easier.

The thing about my goals is, while they're there, and I like using them to measure progress and stay on top of myself, they're not really what I care about. Yes, it would be nice to look fabulous in my brother's wedding pictures: I'm going to have to see them for years and years to come. But, relative to how much I care about the reasons I'm actually doing this, it's meaningless. I care a bit, but it's not really what I care about.

I care about my future health: I don't want to get diabetes, or heart disease, or all those other things that being obese makes me more likely to get. Most importantly, I don't want my weight to hold me back any more.

I want to sit on airplanes without feeling bad for the person sitting next to me. I want to be able to run if I need to and not get winded. I want to go to the beach and not feel like I shouldn't be wearing a bathing suit. I want to not be scared of amusement park rides. I want to just live my day to day life without there being things I can't do because I'm too damn fat.

The goals and charts are just window dressing, they're not what matters. But they help me get through the day to day, and keep me solid when I want to stray. The charts help prove what I inherently know: each day I do a good job makes the next day easier.

So, I took a before photo . . .

A few before photos, actually. They're really bad. Like, really bad. Like I feel terrible I've made everyone look at me for all these years.

No, I'm not sharing.

Maybe when I've lost a bit and want to share progress I will. But for now they can be my icky "omg gross" secret. I intentionally wore very tight clothes for the photos to make the difference easier to see later on, but YEESH. I'm very, very sad faced at the moment.

So, when I started up this whole diet thing, I joined Spark People again under a quickie name that I just made to set up an account. I'd been using that for the past few days, for tracking purposes, but had been intentionally not participating in the community. A little over a year ago I lost a little under 20 pounds using this account.

I'm excited to actually rejoin the Spark community. I still remember a few people from there fondly, and especially one of the groups called Done being the fat girl. So, I am excited to get back into that, and to get started again with everything there. My new account name over there is HalvingHadley, so please come on by and visit.

Since I'm not posting a before photo, I will instead post the current excel graph of my weight loss. I've definitely got a trend going:


Anyway, that's where I'm going to leave it for now. Have a nice night all, and I'll report in with a number tomorrow. (Or with random insomniac musings in a few hours.) Again, fearing a gain, but I suppose we'll see what happens.